nothing good. nothing fresh. i promise. since January 2001

16 HOURS IN A HOME DEPOT: CRAZINESS ENSUES

pretty funny weblog about spending 16 hours in a home depot.
posted by Say It Loud at 2:02 PM

GET LOST IN NOBODY HERE

very fun place to waste some time. Socks are my greatest love. The nosehair plucking is cool. and Teddy will comfort me. (wait for the rubber glove)
posted by Say It Loud at 1:29 PM

FLASH

sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they're just beautiful, odd, pieces of flash.
posted by Say It Loud at 3:34 PM

THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES

(yes, this is an email forward... but I've included only the parts of the list that I found funny)...

* If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
* The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
* Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
* A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
* When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill-- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
* It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
* All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
* It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
* If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
* When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to one another.
* Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
posted by Say It Loud at 1:55 PM

COMMON SENSE AT LAST

"Pro-America does not mean pro-war. Or pro-Bush. Or anti-Afghanistan. Or pro-little-flags-on-SUV-antennas." Mark Morford's sfgate article is right on.

More: "He's our leader right now, he's doing his best and he's all we've got. This is our rallying cry, our motto: He's all we've got. There's your bumper sticker. And there he is. Except for Cheney, which isn't exactly reassuring. No one has ever seen this man's mouth actually move. No one can take one look at his oddly spiritless and wan figure and not think, oh dear God, that man is running on fumes. From a bunker. With ropes and pulleys."
posted by Say It Loud at 12:07 PM

G O D - B A C K S (D - B A C K S!)

there is a baseball god, thank fucking christ. ok, so my voice got lost in the tumultous 9th inning screaming at the teevee, but other than that I'm unscathed.

today i found myself downloading Thriller & Madonna's Music, and before you know it, I want to be starting something. I don't feel bad about downloading albums I wouldn't otherwise buy or albums that millions of people have already bought. I did buy Iva Bittova's cd at Amoeba today, so those free downloads kind of cancel out. It is amazing, and I recommend it (experimental Czech chick w/ violin; think Dirty Three with Czech lyrics).

i missed BRMC playing with the Vue b/c of a high-ranking porn-master's visit and subsequent dinner at Bix. Not sure why exactly Matt and I had to be present at this dinner, because Matt only said "Nice to meetcha" to the dude (who looked oddly like Steve Sanders on steroids) and I was passing out during the appetizers due to Friday happy hour drinks the four hours prior to dinner. and the only news I had on the show was Michelle's very insightful "The singer was nice to stare at" comment. BUT: De La Sou/Biz Markie is Thursday, Built to Spill is Thursday thru Monday, Superchunk is Wednesday... wheeeeeeeeeeee!
posted by Say It Loud at 7:26 PM

NINTH INNINING, DOWN TWO RUNS, ONE MAN ON, HOMERUN... AGAIN

i hate the yankees more than i hate my job, red meat, the tv execs who yanked Freaks & Geeks, sunburn, hangovers, George Bush, headaches, and rabidly patriotic fuckheads added together.

yesterday, tino martinez. today, scott brosus. and it's all matt's fault for jinxing it, b/c in the bottom of the 9th, with 2 outs, he said "It's over. Let's go play foos." Bastard!

fuck the yankees. please please please. if there is a baseball god. please fuck the yankees in the next 2 games.
posted by Say It Loud at 9:56 PM